Re: [bookclub] Prose style in 'Losing Your Grip'

[Brandon Allen <allenbr@health.missouri.edu>]

>
>
> No, it's a perfectly nice sentence with a clever idea. Which would be
> killed stone dead if too much extraneous detail were added to it.

I agree, I think the original sentence was better than the re-write
proposed. But, for the sake of discussion, I'll offer a revision of my own,
leaving out the whole issue of exactly what the leads are conveying:

"To your left, a bank of monitors wheep monotonously in response to the
tangle of  leads and sensors attatched to your skin."

Now, _I_ like that better. (I'm positive that plenty of others disagree) I
suppose that this serves to highlight what seems to be the emerging theme of
this discussion, that it's all a matter of personal taste, and the prose
reflects the individuality of the author. I agree with the point of the
original posting though - the overall quality of IF prose could definitely
improve (esp. my own). I additionally think that evaluating selections of
prose in great detail is a useful exercise. A general concensus on what is
"good writing" will probably never be reached, but it is worthwhile to look
at a few test pieces now and then, and apply the insights gained to our own
writing.

Brandon Allen